PLATO, THE
REPUBLIC
When my daycare teachers declared that Joanne was
not “ready”, at first I was angry and disappointed. As I thought about it later,
I realized that the question of readiness is debatable depending on who you
talk to, what book you read, the culture you’re from and a parent’s personal
preferences. I also started to question whether “readiness” is really about the
child or the adult. As a parent, when do you decide to teach your child to
speak? eat? sing? say the alphabet? Do you have a checklist to let you know if
your child is ready? What do we mean by “ready”?
When I started toilet training Michelle, I waited
impatiently for her to be “ready”. Based on the “readiness Signs” I was
watching for, I determined that she was ready at 2 years, 7 months in October 2010.
By then our second born Joanne was 1 month old. Michelle was confused about the
arrival of her little sister, she was at the height of a toddler’s search for
independence – her favorite word was “No” and favorite phrase was “Me do it”.
Additionally, it was the starting to get cold. In the months prior to starting
formal toilet training, we read books, watched videos and talked about the
potty. Once we felt she was ready, we followed the “Cold Turkey” method. We
said “Bye-bye” to diapers, pull-ups day and night. The 5 months that followed
were the most stressful part of parenting (someone told me to hold that thought
because this is nothing compared to what’s coming in the teenage years!).
Within 3 weeks of toilet training, Michelle learnt
how to “pee” in the toilet. However, no matter what we did, for the three
months that followed, she would not “poo” in the toilet. She would do it in her
underwear (remember we had said bye-bye to diapers). One day in December, Charles, Michelle, Joanne and
I took a break from the house and went grocery shopping. The teller checking
out our stuff made a comment that annoyed us and we had a yelling match…that
was the defining moment for me. The method of Toilet training I was using was
not working!!!
The lessons I learnt from this experience were:
first I had not clearly defined in my mind what it meant to be “ready”. I did not prepare Michelle for being “ready”.
When she was “ready” according to the criteria I was using, I plunged her into
the deep end with little warning.
With Joanne, I decided to have a clear picture in my mind
what “ready” meant. I then worked out a strategy to prepare her. When she’s
“ready”, she will be prepared for a diaper-free life.
I started consulting friends and family. I sent an
email to my friend, Naitore, to find out
when she was planning to start preparing her baby who was three months older
than Joanne for potty. Naitore surprised
and intrigued me when she said she would start at six months. Naitore had lived
in Mombasa, Kenya for a while. She had noticed that the Giriama women trained
their babies to use the toilet from birth. They did this by keeping the baby
really close and observing their cues. She decided she would try that technique
when her baby was old enough to sit independently. Like me, she’s a Mum who
works full-time so she did not always have her baby close to her.
The method of preparation we chose for our babies
is mainly based on instinct and intuition! It is based on the nemesis that the
child already instinctively knows how to “Poo” and “Pee” – what the child does
not know is where to do it. When we provide diapers we “teach” the child that
it’s OK to “pee” and “poo” in diapers. Replacing diapers with underwear like I
did with Michelle will not automatically teach a child where to do their
business.
Whether a child is ready or not really is a choice
the parent and care givers make. The criterion for readiness is diverse. In
some cultures, like the Giriamas in Kenya, a child is ready from birth. In
other cultures, a baby is ready when they meet a certain readiness check-list.
In order to prepare baby to be ready for potty, I
asked myself these questions.
1.
What’s my definition of “ready”?
2.
Can I tell through observation when baby is
about to “poo” or “pee”?
3.
I’m I comfortable with the idea of taking baby
to the potty at the time when they need to rather than at my own pre-defined regular
intervals?
4.
Am I willing to let baby drive the process at
their own pace or am I driven by a dead-line (e.g. Baby starts pre-school in 2
months?)
In my
situation, with Joanne, I defined “Ready” as the moment when she would consistently
“pee” and “poo” in the potty or toilet and have no need diapers, day or night.
Additionally,
she had to score 10/10 from the daycare questionnaire. According to the questionnaire, she would be
“ready” if she could:
-
Pull her pants on and off
-
Stay dry for more than two hours 2-3 times a
day.
-
Ask for her diaper to be changed as soon as it
is soiled.
-
Tell me when she is either wet or soiled.
-
Show an interest in the toilet
-
Demonstrate independence by wanting to do things
on their own – “Me do it”.
-
Proud of her accomplishments
-
Follow simple instructions
-
Know the words to describe “pee” or “poo”
-
Ask to be taken to the toilet in good time.
-
Co-operative.
-
Go to the toilet on her own.
I decided rather than wait passively for Joanne to "be ready", I would prepare her gradually at a stress-free pace. Everyone's situation is different...hopefully my experience will somehow help someone else...
