Is my baby "Ready"?

The power and capacity of learning exists in the soul already;

PLATO, THE REPUBLIC

 

 

When my daycare teachers declared that Joanne was not “ready”, at first I was angry and disappointed. As I thought about it later, I realized that the question of readiness is debatable depending on who you talk to, what book you read, the culture you’re from and a parent’s personal preferences. I also started to question whether “readiness” is really about the child or the adult. As a parent, when do you decide to teach your child to speak? eat? sing? say the alphabet? Do you have a checklist to let you know if your child is ready? What do we mean by “ready”?

 

When I started toilet training Michelle, I waited impatiently for her to be “ready”. Based on the “readiness Signs” I was watching for, I determined that she was ready at 2 years, 7 months in October 2010. By then our second born Joanne was 1 month old. Michelle was confused about the arrival of her little sister, she was at the height of a toddler’s search for independence – her favorite word was “No” and favorite phrase was “Me do it”. Additionally, it was the starting to get cold. In the months prior to starting formal toilet training, we read books, watched videos and talked about the potty. Once we felt she was ready, we followed the “Cold Turkey” method. We said “Bye-bye” to diapers, pull-ups day and night. The 5 months that followed were the most stressful part of parenting (someone told me to hold that thought because this is nothing compared to what’s coming in the teenage years!).

 

Within 3 weeks of toilet training, Michelle learnt how to “pee” in the toilet. However, no matter what we did, for the three months that followed, she would not “poo” in the toilet. She would do it in her underwear (remember we had said bye-bye to diapers). One day in December, Charles, Michelle, Joanne and I took a break from the house and went grocery shopping. The teller checking out our stuff made a comment that annoyed us and we had a yelling match…that was the defining moment for me. The method of Toilet training I was using was not working!!! 

The lessons I learnt from this experience were: first I had not clearly defined in my mind what it meant to be “ready”.  I did not prepare Michelle for being “ready”. When she was “ready” according to the criteria I was using, I plunged her into the deep end with little warning.

 

With Joanne, I decided to have a clear picture in my mind what “ready” meant. I then worked out a strategy to prepare her. When she’s “ready”, she will be prepared for a diaper-free life.

 

I started consulting friends and family. I sent an email to my friend, Naitore,  to find out when she was planning to start preparing her baby who was three months older than Joanne for potty.  Naitore surprised and intrigued me when she said she would start at six months. Naitore had lived in Mombasa, Kenya for a while. She had noticed that the Giriama women trained their babies to use the toilet from birth. They did this by keeping the baby really close and observing their cues. She decided she would try that technique when her baby was old enough to sit independently. Like me, she’s a Mum who works full-time so she did not always have her baby close to her.

 

The method of preparation we chose for our babies is mainly based on instinct and intuition! It is based on the nemesis that the child already instinctively knows how to “Poo” and “Pee” – what the child does not know is where to do it. When we provide diapers we “teach” the child that it’s OK to “pee” and “poo” in diapers. Replacing diapers with underwear like I did with Michelle will not automatically teach a child where to do their business.

 

Whether a child is ready or not really is a choice the parent and care givers make. The criterion for readiness is diverse. In some cultures, like the Giriamas in Kenya, a child is ready from birth. In other cultures, a baby is ready when they meet a certain readiness check-list.

 

In order to prepare baby to be ready for potty, I asked myself these questions.

 

1.       What’s my definition of “ready”?

2.       Can I tell through observation when baby is about to “poo” or “pee”?

3.       I’m I comfortable with the idea of taking baby to the potty at the time when they need to rather than at my own pre-defined regular intervals?

 

4.       Am I willing to let baby drive the process at their own pace or am I driven by a dead-line (e.g. Baby starts pre-school in 2 months?)

 

In my situation, with Joanne, I defined “Ready” as the moment when she would consistently “pee” and “poo” in the potty or toilet and have no need diapers, day or night.

 

Additionally, she had to score 10/10 from the daycare questionnaire.  According to the questionnaire, she would be “ready” if she could:

 

-          Pull her pants on and off

-          Stay dry for more than two hours 2-3 times a day.

-          Ask for her diaper to be changed as soon as it is soiled.

-          Tell me when she is either wet or soiled.

-          Show an interest in the toilet

-          Demonstrate independence by wanting to do things on their own – “Me do it”.

-          Proud of her accomplishments

-          Follow simple instructions

-          Know the words to describe “pee” or “poo”

-          Ask to be taken to the toilet in good time.

-          Co-operative.

-          Go to the toilet on her own.

 

I decided rather than wait passively for Joanne to "be ready", I would prepare her gradually at a stress-free pace. Everyone's situation is different...hopefully my experience will somehow help someone else...